Since we live together with other people, we necessarily have to accept them if we want to live in harmony with each other. If you want someone to be a part of your life, you will have to accept their way of life. Otherwise, you keep judging this someone about something he considers normal and get upset or even get mad because of that, and we all know that this won’t lead to something good.
In the past time, I tried out different ways to accept people more easily. I felt happy to be able to understand and accept parts of people with which I didn’t agree on. So here are a few things I wanted to share with you:
- Some things are neither right nor wrong. Not everything in this world can be sorted into black or white. There are many things that will never be proven or disproven (for example the existence of god). Everyone should create their own opinion about these and choose something to believe in, with which they can live the best. But also one shouldn’t forget that this is always just a belief without any real proof and that others may think otherwise about it.
- Before judging someone for behaving in a (from your view) wrong way, think about it again, and this time include everything you know about that person. Sometimes people seem to act unreasonable or overreact to something. I think there is nothing like that, there is always a reason behind an action. If someone seems to overreact it could be that it was just that last straw, which broke the camel’s back. It could be that they already experienced many similar situations and are just getting tired of it or not even aware of their reaction. This is why always try to follow the other’s line of reasoning and understand why they do what they do. Sometimes, of course, it’s hard, especially if you don’t know much about their past. But then I think it’s still better to keep this always in mind and maybe ask them to explain everything. If they don’t want to, one should accept that too of course, while the other one should accept the lack of understanding. I believe that this way a lot of fights could be prevented or laid down since it reduces misunderstanding. Judging someone without understanding them will only make things worse.
- If you can’t accept someone or they won’t accept you, walk away. Why would you bother yourself with someone, who is not willing to understand you? Everyone is better off if your are with the people who accept you as you are. You won’t be struggling to change yourself to become the person, which others want you to be, only to realize that he still don’t accept you. You will just feel less confident and happy about yourself. Sometimes walking away isn’t an option. For example, if you have to deal with that person every day and it is important to you. I think then it is better to talk directly and honestly with them, asking them why they don’t accept you and if needed explain yourself to them. Then you should try to find a solution together for how to make things work between you. But no matter what happens, never let yourself down!
- Try to see yourself from someone else’s point of view. How would you think of yourself as someone else? Would you understand yourself, if you don’t know parts of your thoughts and story? Try to explain yourself to you. This can often clear up your mind and help you understand how others view of yourself.
- Always consider feelings and emotions. I found myself being able to understand myself and others better once I started to ask about my or their feelings. In my opinion, feelings are the most important factor when it comes to making a decision or doing something. For example when you’re hungry you tend to be less patient about everything, when you’re sad you tend to laugh about fewer jokes than usual, and when you’re mad it could happen that you will get mad about the tiniest irritations. So always try to find out how people feel and hopefully it will get you closer to understand and accept them.
Overall I think it’s always important to see the whole picture of a person and not just a few actions on their own, because the reasons for these actions often lay hidden in the background. I found doing this very hard and often impossible because you can never grasp the complete background of someone else (I can’t even grasp my own complete background). But talking and listening to the other one – especially listening – always helped. Then you are not searching for the reasons on your own and everything is getting easier and more clear for both.
I hope that at least some of these points are making you think about how you see the people around you as it made me do so. I found myself understanding even myself more by trying to apply the techniques to me. I have to admit that I’m also not always following all of this but I try to steadily remind myself of it and I think I follow these more and more.
Please note that these are based on experiences and thoughts from me or the people surrounding me and don’t hesitate to add your own thoughts about this ;). I’m eager to read about them.
PS: Since it has been awhile since my last post, because I didn’t know how to write everything down, I want to thank everyone, who kept asking about my next post, and the author of this blog post, which inspired me to just write it down without thinking too much on how to write it.